They Call Me Mellow Giallo (AKA PULP FICTION Part 3!)

We all live in a giallo submarine, giallo submarine, gi--oh...hey! I didn't see you there.

Yep, it's that time again! PULP FICTION time!

So, what's this giallo stuff I'm talking about? Glad you asked! Now, I'm not here to give a dissertation on the meaning and reason of giallo literature and movies. I know most of you are smarter than you look. I'm not going to compare and contrast one director with another. I just want some of the hundreds of people a week who read my post on Marble Hornets to get a taste of something different. And as you know, I've been writing here and there on pulp fiction.

While we were over here in America dreaming of the jungles with Tarzan and Britain was fighting communism with Bulldog Drummond, Italy was producing its own pulp fiction (though a lot of it consisted of translation into Italian of English-language mystery and crime novels) on fairly cheap stock with yellow (giallo) covers.  And just the same way that the chicken follows the egg, the giallo book gave birth to the giallo movie.

I will interject that to Italians, giallo means something different than it does to Americans. We would not, for instance, look at film and consider Psycho anything but a high-quality masterpiece of American cinema. So I won't go there. I'll talk about giallo movies from this neck of the woods.

So, if you're an American, what does an Italian giallo have in store for you?

 Dario Argento's Opera 1987

Damsals, sans braziers. They may scream, they may plead for help in badly dubbed and overdubbed English and it may seem to take them HOURS to die, but they will do it clothed in flimsy lingerie, plunging necklines, or startlingl and unsettling slashes of light.

Mario Bava's The Girl Who Knew Too Much 1963

Music, sometimes known as noise.  Of course we all know that Italy is proud of its opera. And music in a giallo is essential. So most giallo films will scorch your ears off with the sounds of opera, classical, heavy metal, or in the case of Bird With the Crystal Plumage, what-the-heck-is-that-racket.  And there are times when the music plays such an important part that it takes on an actual role in the film. Check out Dario Argento's Opera for some brilliant use of ear-splitting metal when you least expect it (well, until after the first kill).

The killer. You probably won't see him, but his scenes are extended.  The murder scenes are the longest scenes in the giallo film.  They usually get no more graphic than a gallon of 1970s scarlet paint splashed across a wall, a back, or a bed sheet, but they're long. And who is this killer? Only time will tell. All you'll know is that he is one of the men (or could it be a strong woman?) who may be sweet on the starlet or trying to solve the murders.  Did I mention that there is always a string of them? Murders, I mean.

Umberto Lenzi's Paranoia 1968

Paranoia.  And as we all know, just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Black gloves.  They're everywhere. Holding knives.  Reaching into coat pockets.  Snapping photographs. Pulling back curtains.  Who do they belong to? Why does everyone seem to be wearing them? Are they in this year?

Dario Argento's The Bird With the Crystal Plumage 1970



So, do these qualify as pulp, aside from the fact that the books were printed on cheap paper? Let's see what we have.  Crime? Check. A mystery? Check. Exploitation? Check!  Epic battles? Well, yes, in the form of the time-consuming murder scenes. Check! Exotic locales? Well, Check if you consider that you're American and have not likely been to the wilds of Italy where many take place. Heroic adventures? Check! Except the heroes and heroines may not see it as such. A bit more sleezy than we're used to, but pulp nonetheless.

Put all these things in a pot and mix them up and what spills out is a giallo, for better or worse. Mind you, these are not action movies or cop adventures.  That's a different story for a different time.  For now, if you're interested, and want to expand your pulp experience, take a look at some of these listed here and let me know how you like 'em.

Massimo Dallamano's What Have You Done to Solange? 1972 

Celebrating April with a Poop-Eating Grin!

As April's annual Hate Week is drawing to a close, I would like to offer you this moment to celebrate with reverence by observing the following video, which, incidentally, I find less full of hatred than the average newscast I am forced to witness on my twice-daily trips to the break room from Monday through Friday.

It's strange what people think is important enough to name a day for and what they find to be a cause to celebrate. There is almost nothing left to petition as a holiday.  And just how does one celebrate some of these days? Some are easy. April is National Kite Month.  That's a no-brainer. It is also Orthodox Holy Week. But if you just can't get enough out of the month by forsaking meat on Fridays and dying hard boiled eggs, I present to you other days and ways to honor the month of April.  (Also for those who shy away from actual physical activity that would be required in assisting a kite to mount the wind.) In other words, here is a list of films to help you beat the doldrums and get in the mood for springtime frolic and fun!

International Cesarean Awareness Month Rather than post graphic photos of my cesarean scars, I suggest an evening of fun-filled romping with the lovely Ms. Dahl.  No stitches required. (A l'interieur, AKA Inside [2007])

National Farm Animals Day,  which falls on April 10th, should be celebrated with a viewing of the beloved musical from Belgium, Calvaire (The Ordeal), from 2004.

 And don't forget International Louie Louie Day, which falls on April 11th.

And a topic that should be through the lips and over the gums of all concerned citizens, Global Child Nutrition Month.



And for those more adventurous partiers out there who want to be a part of the action, rather than sit docile on their rumps, celebrate Boomer Bonus Day with a marathon game of Fallout: New Vegas!

This list has been brought to you in part by Irritable Bowel Awareness Month and this guy:

8 Ways You Can Be a Nonconformist and Renew Your Love for Vampires

Do you cringe when you see vampires (other than a certain muscle-bound, black Daywalker) strutting around in daylight? Are you tired of seeing airbrushed posters of angsty teenaged vampires who would never dream of killing humans? Does your thirst for blood take you time and again to the movie theatre, where the only terror on the screen is a scene of a vampire wedding?

These are MONSTERS! They aren't supposed to go to high school proms or get their wives pregnant.  They don't love you.  They don't wish you loved them.  They don't invite you over for cake.  They hunt you down and eat you and don't give a passing thought to the fact that you might be cute in a pair of boots.

Are you afraid to even whisper the word vampire for fear that someone will take you for a Twihard? Are you cowering in shame because you knew what that phrase meant when you read it? Are you old enough to remember thinking that Rick Springfield was the worst thing that could happen to the vampire genre?

Fear, no more! Lift up your copies of Bram Stoker and repel the adolescent and adolescent wanna-bes.  Take back your genre and unleash the real meaning of being undead! Below are 8 titles that will renew your faith in the end of humanity as we know it and have you donning your garlic necklaces once more!

Climb under the covers, kiddos, for here there be monsters!

1.  S.P. Somtow's Vampire Junction - Before Justin Beiber.  Before a 10 year old Kirsten Dunst played a 5 year old vampire.  There was Timmy Valentine.  Timmy was a rock idol who would send the Twilight crowd crying for their mommies.  Festering with the power of 2000 years and a Jungian psychiatrist, Timmy is the true monstrosity that we all long for from days of old.  And the book is not lacking in sensuality.  I read this sometime in the early '80s and fortunately still have my original copy (though a bit worse for wear) because it has become very pricey on Amazon at about $14 for a paperback. There is a sequel, Vanitas, that I cannot vouch for, but as it was written prior to the influx of paranormal romance novels, I'd be willing to bet it's worth a shot.

2.  The original I...Vampire - J. M. DeMatteis' comic featured in House of Mystery from 1981 to 1983.  This was a comic that I devoured as a young child.  I could not wait to get  my hands on each issue. It was the story of Lord  Andrew Bennett who, after being made a vampire in the 1500s, turned his lover Mary into a vampire.  Mary, bless her heart, did what any self-respecting monster would do in such a situation.  She promptly titled herself Mary Queen of Blood, left Andrew, and formed an army of vampires called The Blood Red Moon. Lord Andrew chases Mary throughout time, rescuing people from her clutches, trying to destroy The Blood Red Moon, and leaving little tidbits that would later fester into Edward Cullen (though I seriously doubt THAT author has ever heard of Lord Andrew Bennett!) If you are unable to find a copy of these originals, I understand that DC has resurrected the series recently.

3.  Mr. Vampire (Hong Kong, 1985) - The Mr. Vampire series features Chinese hopping vampires.  Lots of humor and horror rolled into one can wipe away the glitter residue from  your evil little heart.  Three men, whose job it is to be keepers of the vampires, are stalked, teased, and tormented by ghosts and all manner of the undead while one of them is slowly changing into a vampire himself.  No scowling emo lip biters here! These vampires are UGLY. We're talking Nosferatu level ugliness. Grab you a pound of rice for protection and pop this in when  your Team Edward friends come over.  They won't know what bit them!




4.  The Passage (2011) - Justin Cronin's epic novel takes a monstrous look at the undead like no one has taken in decades.  Slightly in the future, the government has been doing super secret studies with a virus discovered in the jungle.  Like everything the government does, the studies go bad and hell is unleashed on earth.  Or at least in North America.  Spanning hundreds of years, Justin's creatures will make you double check the locks on the windows before you go to bed at night.  These aren't the kind of vamps you want to be taking home to Mama.  These are grotesque former death row inmates with a hive mind out to devour the living at all costs.  Bill Compton, they ain't. And there is a 2nd installment of this very wordy piece coming out in the fall of this year! Intelligent, well-written, and populated with vivid, realistic characters.

5. The Vampire Tapestry - Suzy McKee Charnas' anthropology professor was not your average vampire. Equipped with a stinger rather than fangs, he cultivated a lifestyle that allowed him to become so complacent that he fell into the hands of humans more monstrous than he. Murderous ladies and psychotic satanists threaten the existence of this biological mutation.  I read this book decades ago and only just recalled it to memory.  That happens when you have several centuries to claw through for tidbits of the past.  Unforgettable little read. It's even available on Kindle now!

6.  The Vampire: the Masquerade Clan Novels - No, I don't mean for you to go off and read the Clan Books with all their statistics and attributes and disciplines.  But some of the 20 or so novels, including the 13 Clan Novels, were very entertaining.  Limited romance, a LOT of war, politics out the wazoo because we all know how scary that can be, and blood blood, gallons of the stuff! The 13 main clans are represented with a novel for each, and there are others as well, telling the story of the World of Darkness for those of you who remember LARPing with fondness and still eagerly pour over your clan books to see how you could have sneaked a Baali into that Camerilla city in your tabletop game back in 1995. Yeah, I know, I lost some readers about now.  Pay no attention to the woman behind the keyboard!

7. Cassidy in the Preacher comics -  Despite the name, Garth Ennis' 75-issue Preacher comic contains not a single redeemable character.  From the irreverently named Arseface (a boy who was the victim of a failed suicidal shotgun blast to the face) to the resident vampire, this comic is guaranteed to make you nauseous, hysterical, and ashamed of the human race in dizzying cycles. Cassidy is a swaggering, whiskey-drinking Irish vampire who pals around with the possessed Jesse and his floozy girlfriend Tulip. There is also another treat buried in the comic series: The Saint of Killers.  Look 'em both up.

8. The Hunger - Whitley Strieber's tale of Miriam Blaylock, immortal, and her aging husband, portrayed titillatingly by David Bowie in the movie version, is full of that stuff we were wanting to avoid: romance. However, it is nonetheless intriguing, well written, and mature.  Do not mix up the sort of pre-pubescent posing and bellyaching with the aching desire to not be alone in a world that changes around you while you remain the same.  Check it out, then go watch the movie for Mr. Bowie and the music video of Bela Lugosi's Dead.




So, there you have it, folks.  8 tried and true methods for you to worship the darkness and all that exist within it without looking like a pathetic old woman trying to be a teenager again.  Love the night.  Drink the blood.  Be proud of who you are, as you were before you ever heard the term paranormal romance!

Dance, Death, and Drama: Ballet in Film

From my oldest memory I have loved ballet.  I remember being three years old and making my dad put my hair in sponge rollers so that when I took them out I could dance like Shirley Temple. I especially loved the ballet part in The Little Princess.  I had posters of ballerinas, scores from ballets, and then there were the movies.

These movies make me think of the ballet studio that is one of my comfort places in memories from my childhood.  The smell of the sweaty satin on the toe shoes, the resin box in the corner, freshly washed pink tights, all the pretty girls standing at the barre, arms in arabesque, the record player hissing as the needle bumped and skipped over the grooves.  It would be daylight when I went into the lobby with the other girls, their hair in soft buns, giggling softly waiting for the little ones to come out of the studio.  We would talk about school, getting our driver's licenses, what we were dressing up for on Halloween.  But our hearts were always on pause, and they remained that way until the studio door opened and it was our turn.  Freedom, dreams, hopes, grace, and beauty.  We would emerge from the bright flourescent lights of the studio to the darkness of the world outside that had kept turning, unnoticed, while we danced.

I will always have a soft spot for ballet in movies and below (as well as cross-posted on my all-but-defunct movie blog) are my top 5, in honor of Black Swan, which I am very anxious to see.

1.  The Turning Point (1977)-  Directed by Herbert Ross, this movie stars Shirley MacLaine as a former ballerina who gave up dancing to marry and have a family.  When her daughter, played by ballerina Leslie Browne, decides to persue a ballet career, her mother must face the life she left behind and the jealousy she feels when her daughter is taken into the studio of a former friend who gave up the option of a family to stay in ballet.  The part of the daughter was auditioned for by Gelsey Kirkland, who was in the same company with Leslie at the time, and in a short-term relationship with Mikhail Baryishnikov, who portrays the Russian defecting danseur who woos Leslie Browne's character (and also did in real life, according to Gelsey Kirkland's autobiography).  The music is beautiful, Shirley MacLaine who was a dancer in her own right was magnificent, and the ballet (the focal point of the movie) is entrancing.

I saw this when I was a young teen and dreamed of being a ballerina myself.  Several of the dancers from my studio got together and drooled over it on many occassions.  This will remain in my heart as my number one ballet movie because of the mirror of real events in Baryshnikov's life at the time, and the whirlwind of Anne Bancroft and Shirley MacLaine together.

2.  Red Shoes (1948)-Directed by Michael Powell and Emeric Pressberger, The Red Shoes is loosely based on the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale of the same name.  In the movie, which uses beautiful sets and camera effects to stunning results, Moira Shearer plays a ballerina who gets her break when the studio owner is forced to put her in the limelight as replacement dancer.  He creates the ballet The Red Shoes just for her and begins to force her to choose between ballet and her lover, who is trying to force her to make the same decision.  A true tragic romance.

The classical ballet in this movie is lovely.  There are some very ethereal effects for the time.  Costumes are breathtaking.  I feel that some of the issues that plague the dancers in this movie are less timely than the ones in The Turning Point, which is one reason that this movie is 2nd on the list. 

3.  Suspiria (1977)- Directed by Dario Argento, Suspiria is a true ballet horror.  Dario Argento.  Joan Bennett, Udo Kier, blood, knives, nooses, witches and ballet.  What more do you need? I was about six or seven years old when I saw this movie and even this could not keep me from longing to dance!

4.  Ballet Shoes (2007)-Directed for TV by Sandra Goldbacher, Ballet Shoes stars Emma Watson, better known as Hermoine Granger.  Three orphans are adopted by an eccentric explorer.  Their only worldly possessions were ballet shoes.  With these shaping their destinies, the girls enroll in dance in London in the 1930s.  This movie has a beautiful, holiday feel to it, as lives are shaped for the good, families are created, and dreams are realized.  Made from the young adult novel by Noel Streatfeild, Ballet Shoes is one that I think will become a new Christmas tradition for my family.

5. The Company (2003)-Directed by Robert Altmas, The Company is a rather light-material film centered around a ballet company.  There are some scenes that will look familiar to dancers, like the ones showing the dancers all crashing together in one person's apartment, the injuries, and the jealousies.  Overall, it is not a great film, but my favorite Altman.  Part of the reason I don't rate it higher is Neve Campbell.  At any rate, the dancing is nice, it is just more modern than I usually prefer in a ballet.  I do love the dancing in the rain sequence that is just marvelous.  That scene keeps this one on my top 5 list of ballet films.  There are also great performances by an ensamble cast including Malcolm McDowell, James Franco, and William Dick.

These last two are honorable mentions simply because number 6 is a short film that isn't entirely about ballet, and number 7 is...something indescribable and not recommended but included because they should be applauded for whatever it was they attempted to do there.

6.  Box  -Directed by Takashi Miike, this short film is one of 3 in the Three Extremes.  The surreal story of twin ballerina/acrobats who are raised by their step-father, choreographer, boss, and lover (?), Box is one of the most beautiful films I've ever seen.  With magnificent use of color, metaphore, horror, and suspense, the tale goes from something quite simple (sibling rivalry) to ghost story to WHAT THE HECK?? in the span of only 40 minutes.

7.  Dracula: Pages From a Virgin's Diary (2002)-Directed by Guy Madden, this is a....movie....ballet?...long, painful, comically serious rendition of Dracula made to look like a 1920s silent film.  Mostly in black and white, and with horrendous effects, the movie takes itself entirely too seriously, attempting to be a high art film, or a cult film like the Call of Cthulhu that made much better use of this style of film-making.  I did not get through the entire thing, regrettably, and the movie was not mine, thank goodness, so I will not subject myself to it again, but a glimpse is all one really needs of it.  But if you can watch the first 20 or 30 minutes, it is good for a big laugh.  The dancers are good, to their credit, and the lovely Asian Dracula dances his little heart out!